Referrals!

Our social worker just sent an email on referrals. A "referral" is an actual baby who is available to be matched with a family. It is so exciting to see movement in the India program as there seems to be a lot of bureaucratic hiccups which slow things down considerably.

There are people with our agency who have been on a waiting list while some bureaucratic "yada yada"has taken place. Anyway, they are so eager to be matched and have been waiting a long time.

Our agency has four referrals and seventeen people on the waiting list. Two of the referrals have been matched. Two are "special needs", a label which is a catch all for anything less than ideal. Anyway, two of the babies are now known as "waiting children". Their ages at present are seven and nine months.

The agency is giving "home study ready" couples priority, then couples who have not had their home study done. Eddy and I fit into the latter category at this point.

One of the babies medical needs is way beyond our capacity. The other baby may have been a fit, but the timing is not right. We started this process thinking of the time frame as a positive thing for numerous reasons. We will sit out this round of referrals but it is so exciting to see the buzz on the forum, a place where people in the process communicate with one another. The process for these folks is resulting in an introduction to their newest family member. It brings tears to my eyes, however I am highly prone to sentimental sappiness!

the paper chase begins...

So, we decided to use a large non-profit Christian adoption agency we learned about from a friend of a friend. I joined an active online community called ichild as well as a group called Forever Families. Through these resources, I learned that the agency we were referred to is reputable. Their customer service skills have been top notch.

The baby home they work with is located in Kolkata, previously known as Calcutta. Due to social pressure or poverty most of the babies are premature and extremely small. Some women from upper class backgrounds induce early so they will not show and shame their families. Others are malnourished and nature delivers their babies early. We learned that our baby would most likely have been born premature and we would have little information on the birth parents.

Our pediatrician has proven invaluable in giving us insight into prematurity and the other medical issues our daughter, Nikki, will face. We learned that the size of the baby is not as important as the conditions surrounding the labor and delivery. We also learned about the health issues faced due to maternal malnourishment. Our doctor was instrumental in helping us understand the special needs checklist and the implications of various conditions.

We worked our way through writing autobiographies, compiling reference letters, gathering photographs, bank statements, letters of employment, proof of health insurance, life insurance, physicals on both of us as well as on our daughter, our daughter's immunization record, drafting our motivation to adopt statement, compiling certified copies of our marriage, birth and divorce certificates and completing what felt like form after form.

We have officially signed and notarized everything! Now it is off to the agency and we will begin our home study process. Our agency told us the usual time frame is 18-24 months from the time a family begins the process. We filled out our informal application in June of 2005. The waiting time varies depending on how open a family is to accepting a child of either gender or with special needs. A "special need" may be something as minimal as a heart murmur or a recurring ear infection. A child who has survived a premature delivery in a third world country is a fighter.

We learned that our daughter will be about 10-14 months at the time we get our hands on her and bring her home to Texas. Kolkata to San Antonio?! That will definitely be the trip of a lifetime.

Why India? Why at all?

When we decided to adopt, we typically received quizzical looks. Why would a couple who got pregnant on their honeymoon go through the rigorous process to adopt a child? What would compel two seemingly sane people to embark on such an expensive, labor intensive, politicized journey? Those are all very valid questions. Questions I have asked myself during periods of self doubt.

International adoption has always seemed very intuitive to me. All of these children in the world who need homes, why not adopt one? Seems relatively straightforward, right? In the US, there were the "orphan trains" during our development. Why not help children in comparable situations today? Am I some bleeding heart crazy person? Possibly, but trust me, I am not that nice.

So, the problem is pretty well-defined. Due to poverty, famine, war and all of the other little niceties we humans allow others to suffer, there are children with no parents. In the West, we are blessed with excess. Why not help someone who needs it? We have been blessed with a biological child. I have had the wonderful experience of being pregnant. I do not have that yearning anymore.

Well, as usual, solutions to human problems are not so clear cut or straightforward. While researching data on international adoption, I came across information from UNICEF, which was unsettling. Often international adoption leads to corruption and a lack of incentive on the part of developing nations to address some of the issues leading to children being orphaned. I have read the frightening reports of children being kidnapped, sold and trafficked. I have communicated with very bitter adults who were adopted internationally and felt they were robbed of their identity. I struggled with the ethics of the large amounts of money changing hands in "processing" fees. Would we be better stewards of this money sponsoring a child who is living in his or her own country with his or her own family? I gave this to God in prayer. It was clear that we were to proceed with adopting.

As for the more global problems, I no longer possess the luxury of youthful arrogance. I can not tell anyone how to best help children in the third world. That is a God- sized problem. I can tell you what he has put on our hearts and that is the end of my knowledge or authority on the subject.

For me, the research is almost an afterthought, but one that is almost impossible to resist. For I am a "Jesus freak" and our family's relationship with God is what drives our decision making. God put international adoption on our hearts. We thought we were meant to adopt from China. We have a huge community of Chinese adoptees in our city, a strong local agency and a niece who will soon arrive from China. Not to mention, China's program is very structured and predictable.

After we went to an orientation for the Chinese adoption, numerous obstacles entered our path. Since we believe in God (did I mention that? :)) , we look for the divine plan in our lives. We decided to put the process on hold. During this time, we both came to India independent of one another. In retrospect, India made perfect sense. There is a vibrant Indian population in our city due to a large employer of high tech talent and our extensive medical community. The church we began attending this year also has a sizable Indian presence. When praying for clarity on this, the signs were as obvious as getting hit over the head.

Does this mean it will be easy? Just because it is God's plan by no means guarantees pleasure. However, we knew it was right which gave us the confidence and conviction to move forward.

This conviction has proven invaluable. Sometimes the resistance we receive from others shows the fear in their hearts. God will use this child to soften hearts. I have put their doubts and fears in his hands. Radical love is threatening. Adoption is committing to love someone who does not share your DNA. Great Uncle Joe can not extrapolate some toddler behavior as being from "his side" of the family. It is a stretch. A stretch of faith and love. Two concepts that are easy to read about, easy to hear about on Sunday but excrutiatingly challenging to bring to every passing moment of our lives. Our family and friends are on their own path which God has chosen, thankfully, to intertwine with our own for his purposes.

So, I know I sound like a "crazy religious person" probably because I am one. It was not always that way so I understand how it could be difficult to read this if you are in a different place in your life. Just substitute the word "love" for "God" and it will be easy to digest.

Well, apparently we were called to one of the most difficult countres from which to adopt. The paperwork and the process have been a real excercise in persistence. I am going to use this blog to chronicle our journey to Nicole. A journey for which we are blessed beyond belief.