Disappointed in agency

I have had some pretty negative experiences with our agency. Strangely enough, I seem to be the only person on the planet who has, so what does that tell you? :)

When we completed our home study, we were also interested in possibly pursuing a referral with another agency. At that time Dillon told us we could not use their home study unless it was with them. After making a few calls, I learned that this is not legal and we can use our home study as wallpaper in a public restroom if we see fit. So, that stuck in my head but, giving them the benefit of the doubt, I figured they had their reasons. It did not turn out to be an issue to press at the time anyway. Since we were already financially involved with them, we decided to proceed. In retrospect, this should have been my cue to run as fast as I could to another agency.

The saga continues. Recently we found out about a baby in Guatemala who has some correctable special needs. We are not ready to accept him right now as there is a lot of soul searching and doctor's consults to make. Anyway, if we decide to proceed we need a one page addendum to our home study saying we are approved for Guatemala so we can get our I-171H processed for Guatemala instead of India. Operative phrase being ONE PAGE.

After discussing it with the agency he is with, they told me they would generally just do a "find and replace" function in Word, changing "India" to "Guatemala". The social worker at the Guatemalan baby's agency thought that an agency with such a sterling reputation as Dillon certainly would not mind doing this. After all, it is to help a special needs baby in the third world who needs to get medical care in the States. Sounds logical, right?

I email Dillon and they say "oh, congratulations on your adoption journey, have a blessed day.... oh, by the way that will cost you $900 to get an update". We are talking one page or a "find and replace", we do not need an update as our home study is current. So, all I could do was clarify they fully understood what we needed.

I decided to do a little investigating and see if this $900 fee for an update, which we do not even need, was the norm. I called a major agency by our house and explained my predicament. After expressing horror, the social worker told me they would be happy to do it for $500 and, keep in mind, they do not have the advantage of being the ones who did the initial study.

I have honestly been nothing but positive with these people. My husband has asked me if I have written to them about how wrong this is, blah blah. In my mind, if you cannot see this is wrong there is no email from someone who is no longer a customer to make you see it.

It gets better. All of the agency's families subscribe to a forum where we are supposed to discuss our feelings, etc. I get an email last Saturday that I have been unsubscribed because I have accepted a referral with another agency. I never said I accepted a referral, simply that we were considering one.

Through all this, I remember speaking with a woman who had adopted multiple times with different agencies. She is a true Christian in that, unlike the rest of us hypocrites, she actually lives as Christ did. Anyway, when I asked her about Dillon all she said was that they were the only agency she knew of who makes money off the home study, then she promptly changed the subject and talked about how wonderful Minnesta Children's Home and Family Serivices is in their efforts to find homes for kids. This was nice lady speak for "run as fast as you can".

I kept coming back to the one person I knew personally who had adopted from India and there was comfort going wtih the same agency.

Another issue I am uncomfortable with is the seemingly contradictory information I have received about the orphange with whom our agency works. The orphanage director is quoted as saying they cannot take anymore babies until they find homes for the special needs kids. I think the reaction they got from the waiting families must have been pretty intense because then the story changed and we only had four months tacked on to our time frame.

Essentially, their orphanage has turned in to a home for children with severe and profound disabilities. These are not kids with correctable special needs. Since this is historically unprecedented in their work with this orphaange, I do not understand how they can then turn around and give us a time frame.

Amidst all of this, everything is going wrong with our dossier compilation. I really do not feel like I can proceed with our agency short of having them ask for our forgiveness. I guess I will compile a letter to them listing all of these issues. At this point, it just seems tiring and pointless. I am so disappointed in their behavior that I wonder what kind of good it will do, but I am reminded that it is a large organization so maybe a letter to the director would not hurt. We have very little to lose.

A New Niece!!!

My sister and brother have accepted a referral of a beautiful baby girl named Lizzie Mei! She is living in Hubei, China. She is adorably chubby with scrumptious apple cheeks!!! Her picture is posted on www.rhondaandcompany.blogspot.com YEAH!!! I hope Lizzie is home in time for the annual egg hunt!!

I am an illegal alien

Getting divorced in San Antonio is a pain, being born overseas is a bigger one. I get a call from the CIS office that they need a passport because the birth certificate I have, which is a form blah blah blah is not sufficient. She goes on to tell me if it was a form blah blah blee, it would be. Apparently the forms are identical except for the alpha numeric markers. More information than I ever wanted, but she seemed genuinely interested so I decided to act like I was too.

We have had some conversation about possibly changing countries and, if we decide to go that route, it is convenient that our application form is parked on Maria's desk until we can determine if I am, in fact, a US citizen as opposed to a Japanese one.

She shoots but does not score

I called AIAA today to follow up on our fax and discuss our options. The last time I talked to them, about four months ago, there were three babies that met our criterion. Now there are none and one of the orphanages with whom they work no longer works with non-NRI couples. Since our chances of passing for being of Indian descent are pretty slim, we would be back to relying on one orphanage. The orphanage which is open to non-NRIs is also going through a license renewal and all referrals are at a stand still. They anticipate the renewal process coming to a close soon.

So, I guess we will stay the course with our current agency. By the time I get this divorce decree for our dossier, AIAA's orphange may have some referrals who knows? They do not do waiting lists. They list the children they have available then families can contact them if they are interested in a specific child.

Tuesday I am going to get some resolution on this decree and compile the parts of the dossier that are complete to see if there are any more holes. Then we will send it in to Dillon and get on the waiting list.

Don't get divorced in San Antonio

So if you are randomly trying to figure out where to get your divorce, do not do it here. Apparently the certified copy of my divorce decree was not "recent" therefore I must order a new one. This will take at least ten days. Then it needs to be authenticated. Assuming (remember what your mother told you about "assuming" things?) there would be an online ordering capability, I found the next best thing which was a fax request. To my horrified amazement, they only take Discover. WHAT? You only take Discover? That is like ordering a Coke and the waiter replying "Nope, sorry we only have Mr. Pib."

So, I suppose I am going to have to actually go there between the hours of 8 and 8:15 or some such thing and stand in line to request this from Flo the waitress from "Mel's Diner". C'mon people! Eighth largest city in America!! This isn't Odessa for crying out loud.

Time keeps on ticking...

I received an estimated time frame from our agency today. After we submit our dossier, we will have a 12-15 month wait for referral. We can expect a referral next spring unless our agency is not allowed to give referrals while they are being relicensed in India. If that is the case, then we would be looking at a referral fall of 2007. After the referral, we would wait another 4-7 months for our papers to clear their court system. So, a process which was approximately 18-24 months from start to finish is now more like 22-28 months total. If the license renewal halts all referrals then the process could end up being as long as 34 months. These are all just estimates. I guess the referrals will trickle in as the babies with the more severe special needs are placed or moved to other orphanages.

I spent some time today talking to various agencies about the situation. It seems as if our agency's experience is representative of what is happening in Indian intercountry adoption.

With recent changes in the adoption law, economic expansion and changing social attitudes, many more Indian children are being adopted domestically. Non resident Indians also receive preferential treatment in referrals. Many times only children with the most serious health conditions are available for adoption by foreigners. This year the international adoption community has begun to really experience the impact of the new laws.

We are faxing a copy of our home study to an agency with multiple sites in India and will discuss the issue with them next week.

The more we sit with the new time frame, the less of an issue it becomes. Our daughter is at such a fun age and we are having good times. I suppose if our Indian daughter is not ready for us for another three years, there will be advantages to it.

Our agency has discussed switching countries as an option. We both came to India independent of eachother and feel there is a reason for that. So at this point we will stay the course, we just have not figured out which guide we are going to use.

A Good Traveller

Yesterday I was cleaning out a closet and a card fell out from an album. It is a card Nicky sent me in June of 2003. She closed her message with the following quote by Lao-Tzu:

"A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving"

A Fork in the Road

We received an email from our social worker at our agency. She recently returned from a trip to India and visited with the orphanage director. Our US agency works with one orphanage called Matri Sneha in Kolkata (Calcutta). We chose this agency because an acquaintance had gone through them in order to bring their daughter home. We have had a good experience in terms of their professionalism. However, I would advise anyone interested in adopting from India to go with an agency with a more diversified program. Agencies such as Holt and AIAA work with multiple sites in India.

The orphanage in Calcutta now has an inordinate number of babies with significant special needs. They have a staff with multiple physical therapists and doctors. They cannot afford to take in any more babies and meet the needs of their current special needs babies and toddlers.

The irony in this is that we are open to correctable special needs or those that we can accommodate. However, the medicals on the new waiting children show significant cognitive issues such as brain abnormalities resulting in probable mental retardation, etc. None of these issues are ones with which we are equipped to deal at this time. So we are left to wonder, what is next God? Was this all one big test of faith? I do not know at this point.

Since our agency works with one orphanage which needs to find homes for at least seven children with significant medical issues such as autism, CP, severe seizure disorders and brain damage before it can take in any more babies AND our agency also has to go through a routine license renewal which can stop everything for up to six months, we are puzzled.

Parallel to all of this is our agency's new Vietnam program. This program has virtually no wait for referral and then 3-6 months to travel.

All of the feedback I have read from adult adoptees said that we should have a real interest in and embrace our child's birth culture. I do not have any problem with Vietnam or Vietnamese culture only the minor detail of knowing absolutely no one who is Vietnamese or anything about Vietnam except for a terrible war. So what now?

Our plan is to continue to prepare our dossier and pray. If you are reading this, please pray that we find clarity as to God's will and have the wisdom to follow it.

One set of documents arrived

And the state of California finishes first in the certification and authentication contest! Hey, I have to make a game of this somehow. We also received a letter from the US State Department informing us that my birth certificate has to be authenticated by the Passport Services department. Texas sent our request back requesting a money order that is actually signed. The nerve! So the next round of tracking numbers begins.

CIS Fingerprints

So we had an extra ten hours on our hands and decided to hit the San Antonio CIS office for some exciting times. It is apparently the hopping place to be these days. Everybody is there. No really, EVERYBODY! In short, it was crowded.

Usually the universe conspires against my husband and he is assigned to the trainee in these situations. Though he was asked to check his "man purse"( yes, he carries a man purse AND still manages to be masculine and cute), this time the honor of helping to prepare the CIS agents of the future was mine (sarcasm).

My trainee was very sweet and readily admitted that my fingerprints did not take on the first, second or third attempt. Apparently the computer is "tricky". Finally the supervisor came and took them for me. My husband finished quickly and enjoyed reading his sci-fi novel. They surrendered his man purse upon request. :)

Then I was off to the doctor's office for another form to be notarized (I think these forms reproduce in priority mail envelopes) and my first round of vaccinations.

We mailed off our certificates to be certified and authenticated. Now it is a matter of another trip to the notary and the completion of a few more forms. Then we just wait for our various certificates to be returned to us and we will have our dossier completed.

Once we get our referral, the dossier will make its way through India's court system. This process alone takes 4-7 months so the minimum amount of notice we will have is four months.